Welcome. If you found your way here I don't know whether to rejoice or
feel sorry for you. You will probably feel the same way about us. I met
Kameron this last year and we are kindred souls. I have no doubt that
him being in my life is a God thing. Even though he lives at the top of
the States and I live at the bottom..and..you could probably easily
count our exchanges, they have been wonderful and powerful. He is a
gift to me. When Kameron came up with this site I was excited and
proud. Even though there is a great difference in our ages...if I only
knew what Kameron knows at his age..Our common bond is a Love for God
and a disdain for all things that paint him as anything other than who
he is...Love. Kameron wanted to make a site where all who have a voice
(and all have a voice) could come and tell us what they have learned or
are "unlearning". I wholeheartedly agree.
A little about me.
The
readers digest condensed version. I was an abused child. Ran away from
home at 16. Lived where ever I could. Did massive amounts of drugs for
most of my life until 2002 when I became "sober minded." I had God
consciousness for my whole life..learned about Jesus as a child. I feel
in Love with the idea of Jesus and I guess that is all it takes because
through my childhood and most of my adult life he never left me nor did
he forsake me. I felt his presence when I was on top of the world or at
my worst bottom.
I have had two abortions due to my
promiscuity. I have been "forgiven much" as the scripture says. I loved
Jesus (the idea) just didn't want a relationship. It didn't seem to
matter to him..he kept "knocking on the door of my heart." I didn't
actually meet him until my Mother was murdered. I was married..had 2
kids and when Mom died I took in my 2 teenage brothers and teenage
sister. We lived in a Government Apartment. I was overwhelmed with
grief and responsibility. I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
Like a crazy mad woman I screamed "If you are real you better meet me
right here..cause I am DONE"...I was contemplating suicide. I was
overwhelmed with Love and Peace..the kind you can't explain. There was
no Bible in my home nor did I want one..when I did decide to get one I
consumed it like a starving man. I did that for a year alone in my home
telling no one what had happened to me. I continued to use drugs but
that didn't seem to matter to him..he was going to deal with all that
in his time.
I met some other "Christian" friends and they
told me I was going about this relationship with Jesus all wrong. They
told me I was missing the best part of it..relationship (partly true)
and that I needed to go to Church to be part of the body of Christ
(completely a lie.) I did what they told me. Since I had pretty much
memorized the entire Bible over that year I was a good candidate for
Church (I sounded so smart.) It wasn't long before I bit the apple of
ego..and rose to a leadership position. The funny thing was the Love I
felt in my living room and that last year was gone..I thought I did
something wrong so I worked harder..prayed more..worked myself to
death. Still nothing. I had "mad" love for Gods people but none in my
heart anymore because I was too busy to Love Jesus. I began to ask
questions..of things that had bothered me from the beginning. Is
tithing really Biblical..why do we not help the poor..why are the
Church doors locked after hours..someone may need a place to live...it
wasn't long before they called me what they called Jesus..a drunk..a
glutton..she has devils. I left and went right back to the lifestyle I
had. Drugs and alcohol and this time with vengeance because I was mad
at people and God. Once again..he never left me nor did he forsake me
through a divorce..2 abusive relationships and finally a trip to rehab
where my life changed.
In rehab they had something called the
"set aside" prayer in an attempt to connect you with a higher power.
The prayer went like this..God.. I set aside everything I
know..everything I think I know about you and I am starting over with a
clean slate. After looking that prayer over for a few days I decided to
give God another chance. Once again..I was met with that overwhelming
Love and this time..he and I made a deal..I would not leave or forsake
him. Life didn't get any easier..but it damn sure got better. I picked
up the Bible again with "eyes to see and ears to hear." I learned what
I had been taught was a lie..and God didn't come to start a religion
but to end one. He wants his people back and out of the clutches of
religion. Religion is the great lie.."you can be as God." I hope you
have ears to hear our stuff here..it will change your life and set you
free. We don't have all the answers..we ourselves have many questions
and look forward to all posts and comments. Please put your heart out
here..you may save or change a life.